Funny statuses

Here are some funny status updates I've seen and/or heard.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
When the Lion King comes out in 3d, will the circle of life become the sphere of life?
Why do you park in a driveway but drive in a parkway?
My family's coat of arms ties at the back.
This orange juice says concentrate, but it doesn't say for how long.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are billions of stars we can't even see but has to check to see if the paint is really wet?
Some people are like slinkies...not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so they can tell when they're in trouble.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
If winning isn't everything then why do they keep score?
Without ME, it's just AWSO
Have mood poisoning...must have been something I hate.
I named my iPod Titanic so when it says "syncing titanic" I click cancel and it makes me feel quite the hero.
I love how in scary movies, the person yells out "hello?". As if the bad guy is really going to be like "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want some soup?"
I know 3 facts about you: one that you can't say M without your lips touching, two you're trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now you're smiling.
I tried to log in to Facebook. It said 'cookies are required to operate.' I thought to myself, "me too, Facebook. Me too."
Statistically, 5/4 people have trouble with fractions.